The Feed

I feel so distraught at all times, i’ve never been so thankful it’s a 3 day week for me. Holiday and then doctors appointment. I know they won’t take out my tonsils so I have to lock in and take my test soon, but i’m a mess. I can’t focus mentally, I have so much unsaid to so many people. I can’t help but feel like an inconvenience for having thoughts and feelings, I just want to shrink myself. This is the best time to do it, everyone is off and everyone has their own stuff.

I think this is going to be the most honest I have ever allowed myself to be, I need to put it all somewhere and I don't trust it to be anywhere else. Rafael, I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts me, I miss you so much it consumes me. I can't sleep because I am so worried about you and I have nightmares, flashes really. You being gone, dead, hurt, people using the people you love to hurt you, people trying to get information about you. All sorts of things, the worst part i

Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, next to halloween, and yet the magic is gone this year. It’s been gone for a while but I can usually keep it alive with love, but the people i love are indisposed of at the moment, doesn’t mean I stop loving them. In fact, I send extra love their way. But I am filled with worry and anxiety and insanity that I can’t focus on the love. I can only wish for my people to be okay, maybe even pray.

Grief really works in mysterious ways, sometimes it’s so quiet and feels non existent and then all of the sudden it just punches you in...

I can’t help it, I truly can’t. I can snap out of it and then when she’s here it’s consuming, I can’t get enough of her. I don’t know if...

how dare the world keep spinning, how dare time continue to go on, how dare everything not stop for me

Hi grandma. I don’t really know how to start this, I know I haven’t talked to you in a while and i’m sorry, I hope you know how often I think of you. I think of you with everything in me every day, even if it’s not appearant. Working with the people I work with makes me think of you the most. I think about what your story was, I think about the you I never got to know. I think about what your reasons were, why did you turn to alcohol and drugs? Was it grandpa? Was it just som

I think this is the first time in my life I don't have any words, I have never not had some sort of words but I can't make this one...

"I love you so much" "Do you though" And her eyes started watering as she said "of course". Today was supposed to be a good day, some...

This morning was already a bad morning, or maybe i’m being a brat because things didn’t go my way, but wouldn’t anyone be? When you want...

I find it embarrassing that I can't be alone, being alone physically is fine, I always am. Being alone with my thoughts, you'd think it...

“Are you coming with us to get the tree?” “Am I wanted?” “What do you mean” “Do you want me to come?” “Oh I don’t care Jaelen” I feel it...