It All feels the Same

"I overthink. I over love. I over feel. I'm the sea or I'm nothing"

What on earth is my life? How did I put myself in the same situation twice. After I specifically told myself I can't let that happen again. The friendship ended and I said I can never do that again, I can never give so much of myself to someone again, I should never let myself get close to someone, I will never put myself in a situation where I am not loved as much as I love, but I did it. I set myself up, again. I knew I wasn't as loved as I love and I did nothing about it but stay, again. There could be the argument that I couldn't have known, or it's not the same situation but it all feels the same and I think I'm allowed to be dramatic about it.

I feel so much and I don't know how to turn it off, I have tried, all I know is love. How am I supposed to know a person and be completely in awe of them and just be normal about it, I can't and it doesn't make sense to. People deserve to know they are seen, they are loved, they are cared for. Life is too short to hold it all in and not let people know how I feel and then there is the other side of it. I always get hurt, I think so far 100% of the relationships I have had where I have called the other person my best friend or one of my best friends it has ended badly. How am I destined to give so much love but never receive it back.