if there even is a point...

"you're happy i'm alive but you resent it anyways"

i choke on tears every time i read that. how could someone you love so much and so fully say something that is the complete opposite of who you are. to be loved is to be seen, was i seen? am i secretly some horrible person, how are so many people who once loved me able to change their mind about me and decide everything they once loved about me is actually just a bunch of bad qualities that they didn't see because they loved me. at what point do people stop loving me, what do i do to have that continuously happen to me? even if it was just a moment, and none of it was meant to be said, it still was said. it will still appear when i close my eyes tonight. i love yous can't wash them away, i just have to accept it all and hope people don't change their mind.

please dont change your mind.