I think I am so down on myself and so empty and not confident that I have reached the point of constantly reaching out for external validation in the most unhealthy ways, just any way I can get it. And I am so in need of companionship that I’m willing to except anything or to pretend something is there when it’s not. I am just so over being alone with my thoughts at all times, the people that are supposed to always be around aren’t, so i’m stuck with myself. I am always so st

I am hyper aware of every thought in my head right now, so painfully hyper aware so what better option is there to just word vomit all of my thoughts at once, get some of it out no matter how irrational and insane they are, no one will see it anyways. I am having complicated feelings towards Ari because I feel like we got super close and now he doesn't talk to me and it makes me feel like he just used me when he was down and now he doesn't need me and that hurts, he doesn't a

I have been wanting to write this for a few days now, but I don't know how to begin. I don't know how to pray, I'm a fraud. I only come to you when the worst is happening, when I need something from you and that is not a relationship, that is me taking advantage of what you can be. I know every time i'm like "I'll be better", and I do mean that when I say it but I think I fail every time, I won't fail this time though. I will be better, I wont use you anymore. I don't know wh