me next

I think I am so down on myself and so empty and not confident that I have reached the point of constantly reaching out for external validation in the most unhealthy ways, just any way I can get it. And I am so in need of companionship that I’m willing to except anything or to pretend something is there when it’s not. I am just so over being alone with my thoughts at all times, the people that are supposed to always be around aren’t, so i’m stuck with myself. I am always so stuck with myself. I hate me, I hate being stuck with me, but then again maybe that’s why no one wants to be around me or with me, they hate me too.

I am an exhausting person to be around and talk to, and I am painfully aware of that, and yet I don’t know how to be any less exhausting. Sometimes I just want to be asleep for a week straight and just sit in my misery, I want to have zero adult responsibilities. My brain is completely out of control, and I’ve become more irritable and unpleasant to speak to.

I just want to skip to the part where i’m happy.